Yesterday I received the preliminary results of the autopsy of the mass which was taken out of my groin last week. It’s benign. No cancer! I am meant to check in again in two weeks for the final pathology report, but it’s usually very unlikely that a final report differs from the preliminary. So I guess there’s a remote chance that I’m not out of the woods, but I think that the likelihood is sufficiently small that I don’t need to worry about it. In the same way that there’s a minuscule chance that I may be run over by a bus, die in a train crash, get killed in a terrorist attack or be struck by lightning.
I celebrated by going to a Holly Throsby concert tonight, which was great, but more on that later.
Thank you to everyone who’s wished me well during this health scare and has put up with my pre-occupation with this during the last month and a bit.
This has been a very unusual week. My operation was last Tuesday. Since then, I've had a rare experience where I have been given permission to rest, to do nothing constructive, to whatever I like – so long as it doesn’t interfere with the recovery of my wound. I’ve had a lot of sleep, I've been able to play a fair bit of World of Warcraft (WoW) and watch DVDs. The only thing is that I’ve needed to vary my position a little bit: cycling through sitting and reclining and lying down.
I’ve had so much of this leisure time that I’m bored with it. I feel like a kid who's wolfed down so much chocolate he doesn't want any more. I go to work tomorrow, Tuesday, and I'm quite looking forward to it. It was very nice that my co-workers sent me a get well soon card.
On Wednesday I will find out the results of the biopsy of my lump. There’s a chance that it will be bad news and I will need to focus my energies on surviving cancer. I think it’s more likely that it will be good news – that the problem was just limited to this lump and now that the lump is gone, it’s all over.
And then it will be time for me to get on with my life. I want to be prepared for this possibility, because from my experience, it can be quite disorientating to actually get what we want.
[This post will only be viewable to the public for a month or so, then I'll restrict it to people in my Vox neighbourhood]
I've had a lot going on in the past six months – I lost a job that I loved when the library was closed. I went to a job that I hated – and left very early. Since then I've moved houses and found a new job.
During this time I've had one other worry that's been with me, mostly under the surface.
A little while back I found a lump*. Next time I went to a doctor, I asked him to look at it. He said that it was probably nothing to worry about, but to be safe, he thought I should have an ultrasound. So I did that – and the results were inconclusive. So the next thing was to have a biopsy of this lump. This came at a really busy time when I was in the middle of moving and about to start a new job. I was meant to make an appointment with my doctor to talk about the results, but in all the chaos, I forgot about this. Then I received a letter in the mail saying that I needed to make an appointment with my doctor. This from a doctor who's often busy and booked out. This never happens – at least to me.
So I saw my doctor again and I find that they're a little worried about the results of my biopsy. I can't say that I recall or understand everything that was said, but It turns out that the lump is actually a lymph node that is enlarged and has some atypical cells. As in pre-cancerous cells – or worse.
Anyway I've been referred to a specialist, a haematologist. Guess where this specialists offices are? The local cancer clinic. My doctor told me not be alarmed by this factoid.
I tell myself that they're just being cautious, which is a good thing. If there are atypical or pre-cancerous cells in that lymph node, that node can be removed and that might be an end to this.
But I also have this feeling of dread about this thing. I have been blessed with pretty good health for the most part, other than the occasional cold and bout of depression. So I don't really have any context for dealing with this type of health scare.
I don’t want to be overly pessimistic or dramatic about this. I think there’s a very good chance that things will be ok. I will feel that I’ve dodged a bullet or had a wake up call, and maybe that’s what I’ve been needing. But right now I just don’t know what’s going to happen, and that’s what’s bugging me.
*The location of this lump is kind of embarrassing. It's in my groin. Not actually in my genitals but very close by. A part of me wishes that it was located somewhere else, easier to talk about in polite conversation. But then I remember that that there’s no good place for something like this.
first time I tried this, it kind of froze - here's hoping for better results
