atypical cells

[This post will only be viewable to the public for a month or so, then I'll restrict it to people in my Vox neighbourhood]

I've had a lot going on in the past six months – I lost a job that I loved when the library was closed. I went to a job that I hated – and left very early. Since then I've moved houses and found a new job.

During this time I've had one other worry that's been with me, mostly under the surface.

A little while back I found a lump*. Next time I went to a doctor, I asked him to look at it. He said that it was probably nothing to worry about, but to be safe, he thought I should have an ultrasound. So I did that – and the results were inconclusive. So the next thing was to have a biopsy of this lump. This came at a really busy time when I was in the middle of moving and about to start a new job. I was meant to make an appointment with my doctor to talk about the results, but in all the chaos, I forgot about this. Then I received a letter in the mail saying that I needed to make an appointment with my doctor. This from a doctor who's often busy and booked out. This never happens – at least to me.

So I saw my doctor again and I find that they're a little worried about the results of my biopsy. I can't say that I recall or understand everything that was said, but It turns out that the lump is actually a lymph node that is enlarged and has some atypical cells. As in pre-cancerous cells – or worse.

Anyway I've been referred to a specialist, a haematologist. Guess where this specialists offices are? The local cancer clinic. My doctor told me not be alarmed by this factoid.

I tell myself that they're just being cautious, which is a good thing. If there are atypical or pre-cancerous cells in that lymph node, that node can be removed and that might be an end to this.

But I also have this feeling of dread about this thing. I have been blessed with pretty good health for the most part, other than the occasional cold and bout of depression. So I don't really have any context for dealing with this type of health scare.

I don’t want to be overly pessimistic or dramatic about this. I think there’s a very good chance that things will be ok. I will feel that I’ve dodged a bullet or had a wake up call, and maybe that’s what I’ve been needing. But right now I just don’t know what’s going to happen, and that’s what’s bugging me.

*The location of this lump is kind of embarrassing. It's in my groin. Not actually in my genitals but very close by. A part of me wishes that it was located somewhere else, easier to talk about in polite conversation. But then I remember that that there’s no good place for something like this.